Monday, January 25, 2010

the 10,000 year war

Long ago, in a far off world out on the edge of forever, there was a great civilization called the Dangites. They were once part of an interstellar civilization. The galaxy they lived in was very populated, and the civilizations all formed an alliance. However, the Dangites left, they wanted to be by themselves. You could say that they were xenophobic. They felt that they would be better of on their own, and they were more technologically advanced than all the other planets. For example, they had machines that the cleaned the air, ran businesses, taught children, and kept peace. They even had defense system such as an anti-spaceship field over their planet. Any unauthorized ship trying to enter the Dangites airspace, would to be vaporized.

For centuries on the planet Dangite, there was no war, no disease, and no religious conflicts. However, among these people, there were those that were greedy. Some went against the Dangite principles and wanted power to further their own agendas. As is almost always the case, this caused massive upheaval and global war. The weapons unleashed were on a cosmic scale, dwarfing anything the galaxy had seen.

Some of the higher educated Dangites rejected the war and took refuge in safe houses on remote islands. These people were the paragons of their civilization. These Dangites took their most advanced technology and their books that detailed their history and principals by which they lived. They hoped to use them to help rebuild after the war. They put themselves in cryogenic sleep, and set it for 100 years. However, the constant bombing outside, the machines recalibrated and were set it to 10,000 years.

When the enlightened Dangites awoke awoke, they were shocked to find that the world was a far different place than they left it. They sent out a drone to scout the area to gather information. The world was drastically altered. The terrain, which was comparable to Earth’s, was changed to something far different. Instead of a few major continents, there was now one giant ocean, with thousands of islands scattered through out the planet. The massive bombing generated massive amounts of heat formed a green house effect, making the world substantially hotter. This melted the polar ice caps and raised sea levels. Continents also broke into pieces because the tectonic plates were ruptured by the sheer force explosions.

Confused by what they saw, the Dangites asked Athena what happened during the 10,000 years they were asleep. Athena was an artifical intelligence device that the Dangites installed to keep watch over what happened and record everything while they slept. Athena told them that the war got drastically out of hand. It did not stop till almost everyone was dead. Only a few people survived. Living in underground shelters, these survivors had to stay hidden for nearly 9,000 years because of the excessive amount of radiation on the surface. What little was left of them was scattered throughout the surrounding islands. One island in particular had an extremely savage group that called themselves the Dread Knights. This tribe was led by a man named Zhou the Conqueror. They goal was to pervade the surrounding islands and conquer all off the remaining inhabitants on the planet.

The Dangites in the shelter were shocked by what Athena had showed them. Zhou and his knights were merciless and brutal. Even though the enlightened Dangites were peace loving people, a group of wise elders decided enough was enough. They needed to stop the killing once and for all. They outfitted a team with the best of their technology in order to take down Zhou. The team was led by particularly strong warrior, named Desanova. Young and brave, Desanova had a high level of dexterity and could handle weapons with great ease. Whiled he looked as if he was in his younger teens; he was actually in his mid-30s. He was tall, muscular but yet possessed wisdom far baying his years. Brash and brave, he followed his orders to the letter, and was an incredibly strong tactician. He trained a select group of 15 Dangites and outfitted them with high tech stealth suits, arm-mounted blasters, and energy swords. Their most powerful weapon was their neural receptors. These receptors used brain power to generate a field of energy which allowed them to control objects and people, emit force fields, and bolts of pure energy.

The Dangite special force left their underground sanctuary at mid day, and arrived at Zhou’s stronghold at dusk. Using surveillance generated by Athena, the scouted the island holding Zhou’s army. The Dread Knights had almost 400 men spread around a sprawling, circular complex. In center, was a massive temple that Zhou had force slaves to build as his palace. Zhou and his men had affective control of what little Dangites tech was left on the surface. The Dread Knights had their own energy swords and blasters.

Desanova knew they were outnumbered but he had stealth and surprise on his side. His team drew their swords and systematically eliminated the sentries who were on guard. However there would be no sneaking up on the main stronghold, they had no choice but to burst in and fight. They met 50 Dread Knights armed with swords in the main barracks. A desperate and bloody battle ensued. Desanova used his receptors to throw dozen of Dread Knights over the palace walls to their death. Other Dangites used blasters to annihilate the remaining force in the barracks. More Dread Knights rushed to the scene and fierce sword battle unfolded. However, with the Dangites superior weapons and training, these Dread Knights were quickly dispatched. Desanova and his men marched further into the gargantuan palace. They fought through several corridors and finally made it to the throne room.

The throne room overlooked the sea, facing west towards the setting sun, the orange and yellow reflecting off the water. Zhou sat on a golden throne, acting aloof, with 100 Dread Knights behind him. Around the room, you can see servile men in cages, some begging for water, some impaled on pikes, and some burned alive. Zhou calmly asked “Why have you come here, the stronghold of my people, the strongest on the planet? Can you not see how foolish this is?” Desanova replied “We seemed to do a pretty good job with the rest of your men” smirked Desanova. This enraged Zhou, “I have seen your magic intruder, and rest assured, it will not work on my men.” “It isn’t magic Zhou, we come from the sanctuary, and we are last of the remaining old Dangites. We have awoken, and have seen what you have done. We have come to stop it.” This piece of information clearly unsettled the confounded Zhou. “Why have you come now, we could have used your help long ago, and you just abandoned us. We fight for ourselves, and now you return and threaten to kill us, tell me, who is in the wrong here?” There was no assuaging Desanova, and the Dangite remained resolute, “We awake from our sleep and see your barbaric principles misusing our technology, violating the ancient laws. Your greed is just leading the people into another great war.”

“Enough”, Zhou said, “When we defeat you, people revered by the rest of us as gods, the world will surely bow to me!” The provoked leader then signaled to the Dread Knights to draw their swords. It was a fight that Desanova would surely lose. He and his force was outnumbered 100-15. But instead of running or taking cover, Desanova ordered his men to step back out of the room and laid down his sword. He, alone, stepped forward to the center of the room. A myriad of tenacious men charged from all sides. Desanova allowed himself to become surrounded. But just as the Dread Knights were about to attack, Desanova dropped his knees, drew upon the energy from the neural receptors and emitted a red, pulsating wave of energy. This wave vaporized the men who stood around him. When Desanova men heard the terrifying screams of the Dread Knights, they rushed back into the room and met the remaining men with a flurry of sword strokes. Desanova spun and used energy bolts to destroy one group of Knights after another.

Zhou quickly realized that he and his men was no match for Desanova. He and his royal guard tried to flee the palace using a hidden escape route. Desanova saw Zhou scampering like a little cockroach and used his force fields to grab Zhou. He then summoned all his powers to throw Zhou across the room and onto one of the slave pikes, killing him instantly, The remaining men, who were beside themselves with fear, threw down their weapons. Some jump to their deaths, others begged for mercy. Desanova rounded up the prisoners and then freed all the slaves. As he was leaving, Desanova and his men destroyed the palace and wiped out any remnants of Zhou’s rule.

Desanova then took the prisoners and any freed men want to come with him back to the sanctuary. The prisoners and freed men received good medical attention, rehabilitation, and education. They were invited to join the Dangites society. This core group of people began working on restoring the fractured world. Many wanted Desanova to be the Emperor or King but he knew that the only way to ensure a lasting peace was to form leadership that didn’t put one man above all others. Desanova knew this new world needed to be built upon peace and prosperity for all men…not just a few.

2 comments:

  1. I. The conflict of the story is that the Dangites are in a global war. Some people the went to safe houses to try to rebuild after the war. They went into a cryogenic sleep for 100 years, but the machine was disabled and set for 10,000 years. Also, they have to try to stop a group from conquering the other islands.The conflict was external. The remaining Dangites went to Zhou’s stronghold and killed him. They then are working to restore the world to the way it was. I thought it was good. It solved the conflict very well. I don't think the story had to be more dramatic. It was a good si-fi short story.

    II. The protagonist wasn't introduced until the middle of the story. Same as the antagonists. The Dangites had a fine planet. Then people started to get greedy and a massive war broke out. There were survivors, but the planet had changed. They had to try to bring the world back to the way it was. The great development was after the war. They had to rebuild the war to the way it was before. If the characters hadn't changed, the point of the story would not be as good.

    III. The plot and the story arch were good. He put the story in a good setting and time period for the war to take place. It had an influence on the weapons used in the story. The story arch was well put together. The story flowed well and made easy to follow. "Desanova used his receptors to throw 5 into the water, while some of his team shot the Dangites from afar." This is were the most of the action was. the climax were Desanova attacks the conquer Zhou.

    IV. The stories best quality is the flow of the story. The events are well organized. The detail used to describe the events leading to the climax and resolution. Also, the one main thing that changed the entire story. The turning point of the story. The war that changes the setting and time period.

    V. I think the stories theme is that war has definite changes to people and the area they live in. This story is a good example. The entire story is because of the outcome of the war. Like after the war the land is a bunch of islands. There is a group that is above the others, Zhou.

    VI. There is some small spelling errors. There was good use of vocab, but not the amount of 15. Overall it was well organized and well written short story.

    ReplyDelete
  2. xenophobic
    paragons
    pervade
    dexterity
    servile
    assuaging
    revered
    provoked
    myriad
    tenacious

    ReplyDelete